Me too!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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