WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
