what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
