But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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