Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
