He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
