i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
