physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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