From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A+ Viking dick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
