So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
