so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize