what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize