I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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