im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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