This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
