I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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