you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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