I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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