Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
