I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, beer. Big fan.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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