No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
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My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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