I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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