Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
