I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
