I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
