So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
