Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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