why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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