I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
