At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
