Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
