Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
