I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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