Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
