She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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