Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
zippers are such a cool invention
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
