all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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