Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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