The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
