Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
