it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
