Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
