Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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