I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Small penises have feelings too.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
