"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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