i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
