my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
