I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
