I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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