just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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