Pregnant stripper...not hot.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
