you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
