The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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