Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
