I wish my penis had an off switch
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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