spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
only if we run a train.
done.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
