Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
