Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
