the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
