Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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