and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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