Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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