Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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