I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want her autograph on my taint
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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