I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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