He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
