Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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