hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
