Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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