I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
