I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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