I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
