Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
