On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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