he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
